


Superhero

by SyntheticEngel



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Childhood Memories, F/M, First Crush, Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 19:00:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1699133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SyntheticEngel/pseuds/SyntheticEngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alyx reflects on her childhood hero, and Gordon finally gets his beer. Sickly adorable oneshot spawned from one of my countless headcanons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Superhero

**Author's Note:**

> AN - First off, this is my first fic that I've ever published so I’m really nervous about it, I've never been a fan of my own writing style but I guess you never improve if you never take any leaps so… here I am. Please leave some feedback/kudos if you liked it cause I’m a sucker who craves any sort of approval and it just takes a second. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this, and if you didn't, I apologize for the time you can’t get back.

Things were mostly quiet at White Forest. Most everyone had turned in for the night, except for a handful of guards, Sweepy, and the three people in the lounge.

Three people that should have been asleep.

Instead, Alyx, Gordon, and Barney were in the lounge, talking amongst each other. It had felt like ages since any of the trio had gotten a moment to relax. Gordon sat on the scratchy red sofa, dressed in an oversized knit sweater that hung off his thin frame. He had one arm was wedged between the back cushion and Alyx’s back, his hand resting on her waist. She was leaning into him with her head resting against his shoulder. Both of them held brown beer bottles, sipping from them occasionally.

“Where did you even find this?” Alyx remarked, holding the bottle in front of her face, examining the glass.

Barney shrugged. “Need to know basis, kiddo. Besides, I had a bet I had to make good on… some twenty-odd years after the fact.” He leaned back against one of the lockers and gave a knowing look towards Gordon. Alyx felt him huff out a quick laugh from next to her before he took another sip of his beer. She lifted her head up and gave Gordon a quick kiss on the cheek. “Well I’m glad you two settled that,” she said, smiling. “And why do you still call me kiddo, anyways?”

“Wasn’t aware I needed a reason,” Barney laughed. He took a quick drink, clumsily missing his mouth and dribbling beer down the front of the plain white shirt he wore in lieu of his usual CP uniform.

“What you need is a towel,” Alyx retorted, watching the fine display of clumsiness unfold before her. She stood up and walked over near one of the control boards, grabbing a rag off the seat of a beaten office chair and tossing it towards him.

As she made herself comfortable on the sofa again, she watched as Barney dabbed at his shirt, swearing under his breath, before throwing the rag down. For a moment, she felt strange. Just sitting there having beer with the two men, when at times she still felt like the baby of the group, like she shouldn’t be able to talk and relax openly, especially with Barney. With Gordon, she felt like an equal, like the twenty year age gap that, in all reality, should have been there just simply didn’t exist in any way.

But with Barney, it was different. She couldn’t put her finger on it. Was it the age difference? The work relationship he shared with her father and Doctor Kleiner? No, that couldn’t be it; Gordon had worked with both of them at Black Mesa.

Maybe it was simply because, for as long as Alyx could remember, Barney Calhoun had been her superhero.

Before the Resonance Cascade, her dad’s co-workers were regular fixtures at the Vance household within the dormitories. Barney, Gordon, and “Uncle” Kleiner would stop by for Sunday dinner almost every week. Her parents had their places at the heads of the table, with Gordon and Barney on one side and Alyx and Kleiner on the other. Her first memories were of Sunday dinners that included the four men engaging in work talk, her mother eating silently by herself, speaking only to offer seconds, and Barney, directly across from her, occasionally giving her a small “hey kiddo” wave. Sometimes, he would be the only one to acknowledge her through the whole meal.

Following dinner, Alyx would retreat to the living room to play with whatever toy had her attention at that time and wait for Barney to come in to pick her up, give her a piggyback ride to the front door, and say goodbye to the other guests. It became a ritual almost, and she even started to skip tinkering with her playthings and just waited by the door for him.

Once the Black Mesa incident occurred though, she saw him more and more frequently. But gone was the familiarity of Sunday dinners and such things. The world as everyone had known it had changed, and Alyx was still too young to understand it. At five years old, words like “apocalyptic” and “catastrophic” had no meaning to her. All she could comprehend was that her mother was gone and so was her home.

There was much Alyx didn’t remember from her early childhood, just small mental snapshots of chaos. Her most vivid memory was from when she was around eight, when herself, her father, Uncle Kleiner, and Barney spent a seemingly endless amount of time hidden on board a boat bound for Europe. She found herself frequently bored, and for Eli, getting a child of her age to stay quiet for days on end was damn near impossible. So as a solution, he pawned her off on Barney, begging for him to give her some sort of entertainment.

Behind a stack of wooden crates, Alyx sat cross-legged facing Barney, who had pulled a beaten deck of cards from his bag. He shuffled them expertly and then dealt them between the two. Adjusting his legs, he asked, “You ever played a game called Go Fish before?”

Alyx shook her head, her hair swinging violently. Truth be told, she’d never played any card games before. “M’kay, well here’s how it works,” he continued, “you’ve got your seven cards here, and I’ve got mine, and ya got the deck in between us. Now, look at your cards okay?”

She picked them up, struggling to fit all the cards in just one of her small hands. “Okay, there’s a 3, a 9…”

“No, no sweetie!” he stopped her, failing to stifle a laugh. “You’re not supposed to tell me your cards! What you gotta do is ask me if I’ve got a card with the same number as one of yours. So since you’ve got a three, you would ask me if I’ve got any.”

“Do you have to give it to me if you do?” she asked.

“Sure do,” he affirmed. “Even if I have more than one.”

Alyx hesitated a moment, then asked, “But what if I don’t?”

Barney patted the deck that was sat between the two. “Then I tell you to ‘go fish’, and you draw from the pile. When you get all four of a number, you take all the ones from the set and put them in a pile in front of you. When all the cards are gone, whoever’s got the most piles wins.”

She sat there, running through the rules a few times in her head. “I just have one question,” she told him, sticking her pointer finger up.

“What’s that?”

“Why’s it called go fish?”

Barney laughed and shook his head. “You know what kiddo? I got no idea.”

From what she remembered, the rest of the voyage had passed quickly, her and Barney playing cards for hours on end. They would still play every so often, even after Black Mesa East was established, they still found time to unwind with a game of cards - even though sometimes Dog would bump the table and turn a round of Go Fish into 52 pickup.

As Alyx got older, she found herself hanging around Barney on a near constant basis. She stuck to him to like glue, followed him around the base, even earning her the nickname of “Barney’s shadow” from her own father. The label didn’t even bother her in the slightest. Being called the shadow of her own personal superhero was a tag she wore proudly.

But as with all superheroes, Barney had a job do to. So when, a few days before her thirteenth birthday, she discovered he had signed up to go undercover with Civil Protection, she nearly threw a fit. She was fine with him going off and spending time undercover - it was beneficial to everyone to have an inside look at the Combine.

She just didn’t expect him to be leaving so _soon_.

“What do you mean you’re leaving tomorrow!” she cried. “You’re gonna miss my birthday!”

“I know, kiddo,” Barney said sadly, rummaging through boxes in his room. Alyx was sat on a rocket ammo chest at the foot of his bed, her legs just barely touching the ground. “But, I do have a birthday present around here somewhere for ya.”

Her eyes lit up. She hadn’t had any real birthday presents in a while. Anything good for a young girl such as herself was hard to come by, so most of her birthdays were simply Kleiner concocting something resembling a birthday cake and receiving a box of scrap metal from Eli and Barney so she could upgrade Dog. Kicking her legs back and forth, she watched as Barney all but tore apart his room in search for whatever he had wanted to give her.

He shoved aside a few cases of ammo next to his locker and looked around. “Ah, here we go,” he said. Alyx watched as he walked over, trying to conceal whatever it was under his arm. He stopped in front of her, took the item, and draped it over her shoulders. “It’s a sweatshirt they gave to me during my training at Black Mesa. I never needed it, but I figured it may come in handy one day.”

The grey fabric was warm, in great condition, and much softer than the flimsy and tattered hand-me-downs she was used to. It was several sizes too big and hung off her in an almost blanket-like fashion. But she loved it, and it was the best birthday present she could have wished for.

“You like it?” he asked as she stuck her arms through the sleeves. She bobbed her head up and down quickly before zipping up the jacket and hopping down off the trunk. Her arms flew around Barney’s waist in a tight hug. “I love it Barney, thanks so much,” she said, her voice muffled as her face buried into his shirt.

“More than welcome, kiddo,” he said, giving her a quick squeeze. “All right, now I don’t wanna have to pull you off me, but you’re squeezin’ my organs…”

Alyx let go of him and looked up, a deep sadness welling up in the pit of her stomach. She could feel tears starting to collect behind her eyes. “How long are you gonna be gone?” she asked him.

Barney looked down at her sadly, like he’d been punched in the gut. “I dunno kiddo. It might be some time. They keep an eagle eye over the CP so sneakin’ away often won’t be easy. But I’ll try, don’t you worry, okay?” By this time, the tears had already come, and they’d come fast. Her face swollen and red, she nodded understandingly. Barney reached down and rumpled her hair before pulling her in for one last hug.

It was some time before she saw Barney again. During this time, Alyx distracted herself by working along side her father and Kleiner in the lab, teaching herself hacking skills along the way.

The only contact she ever had from him had been in the form of a package near Christmastime. Inside was a portable electromagnetic pulse tool, a piece of Combine technology that he had managed to swipe and send off to her. Enclosed was a note that simply read _“I know you’ll put this to good use, kiddo. Happy holidays! -B”_

By the time she was seventeen, one could even say she was just as good with computers as her father. Her skills with the EMP tool also proved to be of great use to the Resistance, in that it gave access to Combine files. While she did all this, she tried her best to stay as normal of a teenage girl as possible. She kept a journal to herself, using it more for letters to Barney that she would never send and that he would never see.

Sometimes, when Alyx couldn’t sleep, she sat up in bed, hoodie thrown over her shoulders, and played Solitaire like he had taught her a few years ago with the same tattered deck of cards. She couldn’t explain why she missed him as much as she did. He was just supposed to be Barney the security guard, but to her, he was Barney the superhero. Watching out for her when she would go outside and play catch with Dog, making sure she was fed whenever her dad and Kleiner were attending to other matters.

Not to mention… he was kind of cute.

Growing up with next to no one her age, she wasn’t sure how crushes were supposed to work. Her father had spoken of something called a “suppression field”, which prevented people from developing in the urge to… reproduce, for lack of a better term. But as for being attracted to someone, it didn’t suppress much of anything. Alyx found herself daydreaming about someone who was twice her age, someone who should have been more of a protective role towards her.

Not long after Alyx turned eighteen, Kleiner had started receiving transmissions from Barney. He had found a way to slip out for a short period of time and come back to the base - all he had to do was wait for the right moment. She waited every day by the radio, Lamarr in her lap, waiting to hear something from him. A small part of her felt guilty for feeling the way she did. There was a small voice in the back of her head, telling her that it was wrong, that he was far too old for her and there would never be a chance for anything between them.

Still, a girl could dream, right?

When the call had finally come in signaling Barney’s return, she had been asleep, only being woken by a rapid succession of knocks at her door. “Just a second!” she yelled out, scrambling around to find her hoodie and a pair of pants. She zipped up the jacket and hobbled into a pair of jeans as she hopped towards the door. After doing up her fly, she swung open the door and inhaled sharply.

Barney. He was there, finally back after years of no contact.

Without any more hesitation, she lunged forward and engulfed him in a huge hug. Alyx stayed latched on to him for some time, almost afraid that if she let go, he’d disappear again and not resurface until she was damn near thirty. Eventually she let go and pulled back to look at him.

The most striking thing she took notice of was how significantly he had aged. There were lines on his face, small wrinkles at the corner of his eyes and permanently etched into his forehead. There were traces of grey at his sideburns, the scruff on his jaw a smattering of salt and pepper. He was still Barney, but there was no question of the toll time had taken on him.

But apparently, he was more amazed by how different she looked.

“Jesus, where’d that skinny, card playin’ little kid go!” Barney exclaimed, giving her a once-over. “Look at you, all grown up! Christ, you look like your mother.”

There was a pang in Alyx’s chest. Eli mused about the same thing fairly regularly, so she was fairly used to it. But there was a feeling she got when Barney made that observation, the feeling of reality smacking her in the face at how much older Barney really was than her. He was old enough to have memories of Azian, to remember her during his adult years, and not just in a few quick childhood flashbacks.

Maybe that voice in her head was right after all; he was much too old for her. And she would just have to learn to accept that.

Later that night, Alyx and Barney sat on the floor of his old room as she dealt out cards between the two for a game of Texas Hold'em, using old bottle caps as chips. It was the last game Barney had taught her before he’d left, and she wanted to see how well she’d fare against him after all those years. As they played, they chatted about the events of the past few years; Alyx’s growing computer skills, Barney’s work with CP, and everything in between.

“Random question,” Alyx asked as she played her turn. “Did you have a girlfriend before everything blew to hell?”

“I did, actually,” he said sadly. Alyx immediately scolded herself for not thinking of what was probably the most obvious scenario - that, maybe, this was a touchy subject. “Her name was Lauren. Beautiful woman, fearless, and could cook like nobody’s business.”

Alyx’s chest panged a little. Maybe she didn’t really want to hear this.

“Lost her the day of the Resonance Cascade,” he went on, sadness glaringly obvious in his voice. “I was supposed to buy her flowers that day, actually. Was gonna take her out for a nice dinner, too. Never got the chance.”

It hurt Alyx so much to hear this. Not because of her feelings for him, but because of how hard she knew that must have been. She’d never really lost anyone besides her mother, but being so young when it happened, she barely remembered her. Barney had lost his girlfriend and his whole family during the incident, yet he carried on like nothing had happened, looking out for everyone else before himself. Just like the superhero he was.

By this point, Barney had put his cards down and was looking at Alyx. “Listen kiddo, one day, you’re gonna find someone for you, alright?” he continued. “And I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. You can’t go forcing something, can’t go out searching for the right person ‘cause that just isn’t gonna work. It’ll be like you never saw them coming, and they’ll just fall out of thin air. And when they do, you’ll know.”

Alyx inhaled sharply. He knew. He must’ve known that had developed something for him over the past five years. But he was right - she couldn’t force anything. Barney was her own personal superhero, someone who had been there for her for most of her life, and letting it progress any further than that would have been a mistake on her part.

Barney went back to working with CP the following morning; however, his communication with Black Mesa East greatly improved in comparison to the past several years. He was giving them almost weekly reports, letting them know he was alive and well, while also working with Kleiner to establish a lab in City 17. During the following years, Alyx made frequent trips there, Barney always stopping for a quick card game with her during each visit. Knowing he was still there for her after all that time made the awful, lengthy trips there worth it.

During one trek to the city in particular, Alyx had been thinking on on what Barney had said those years back about finding someone for her.- _“It’ll be like you never saw them coming, and they’ll just fall out of thin air.”_

And it was no coincidence that it happened to be the same day Gordon Freeman arrived.

Now, there they sat, Gordon and Alyx watching with amusement as Barney tried to lick beer off his now-stained shirt. Laughing to herself, she stood up once more and walked over to the locker behind Barney as he continued to salvage a few drops of alcohol. She dug through the papers and pieces of computer equipment inside her locker until she found what she was looking for - a torn up, yellowed, dirty deck of cards. Gordon glanced over at it, eyebrows raised slightly. Barney, however, was more than amused.

“Jesus, Al! You kept that?!” he asked incredulously.

“Of course I did,” she said matter of factly. “Now, do you want to play a round, or are me and Gordon gonna have to go to bed early?”

Barney rolled his eyes. “Anything to delay havin’ to hear you two go at it,” he teased. She elbowed him in the ribs and made her way over to the small table that was shoved in the far end of the room. The three pulled out the rusted old folding chairs from under the table and sat down. As Barney shuffled the deck, Alyx looked at him, then over at Gordon, who was pulling apart strings of his sweater, picking at the thread. She smiled to herself.

For everything she and Gordon had been through, she knew she had someone else to count on now, to be by her side through everything imaginable. He was her savior, her companion, and she loved him. That’s what he was to her.

Barney, however, was a completely different story.

To Alyx, Barney Calhoun was a little bit of everything. He was everything she thought she had missed, growing up in a post apocalyptic world. But in reality, she’d gotten all of it - and more.

He was her teacher, showing her things she needed to know, not even including all the card games he had taught her. He was the one to teach her how to ride the rusty deathtrap of a bike they had found near the base shortly after arriving. He’d been the one to teach her about things like wrenches and washers and pliers, how to repair and assemble anything and everything she could ever imagine.

He was her friend, giving her someone to run to when she thought her dad was being unfair, or when she broke something of Kleiner’s and was scared to tell him. He was the one to hang around outside with her when the weather had warmed up, shooting balls of scrap metal into the basketball hoop while they made bad jokes together.

He was her first crush, someone she spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking about when she should have been working on something. Someone she wrote about longingly in her journal by the light of a dim flashlight when she was supposed to be sleeping.  

As she watched him deal the cards, Alyx thought back to that day on the boat, all the way until now. She remembered being amazed at how fast he could shuffle the deck, the speed at which he divided up the cards between the two of them. Even now, she still found herself thinking “Wow, I wish I could do it fast like that” with the same childlike amazement she’d had when she was eight years old. She stopped to think, _why am I so amazed by this? It’s just cards._

But the answer came to her soon enough.

It’s because you never really outgrow your superhero.


End file.
